


show me what you're made of

by Meynara



Series: Right Where I Belong [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Kerberos Mission, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming of Age, DMAB language for genitalia, Dubcon for drunken sex, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, Trans violence, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, dubcon, trans slurs, twinganes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-13 01:04:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17478353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meynara/pseuds/Meynara
Summary: Katie Holt, graduate student at the Taylor-Keaton Institute of Technology, was proud of the work that her father and brother did at the Galaxy Garrison. Even knowing they were going to be gone for several months at the least going the furthest any manned mission had gone, filled her more with pride than with dread.Months passed, and then days passed without word from Matt.And then she saw the news.And her world crumbled apart.(A story inthreefive parts about mourning, denial, and coming into adulthood by throwing oneself in the deep end and struggling to stay afloat.)





	1. nowhere fast

**Author's Note:**

> Overall, this is not a happy story. Much of what happens is implied, or is told from Katie's mouth directly, but this is not a cheerful tale of teenage rebellion.
> 
> This isn't even a cautionary tale of what not to do, because the situation is somewhat unique, though I certainly wouldn't advise doing what Katie does here to anyone.
> 
> No matter how much the world changes, some things will stay the same, and while this only skirts past the edge of the worst of humanity, it still does touch on it, if vaguely.
> 
> Just for clarification, Katie IS an adult in this. Young adult, not old enough to be drinking, but otherwise legal.
> 
> Much thanks to [amorremanet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorremanet/pseuds/amorremanet) for helping throw ideas back and forth and pinning down some of the dialogue!

It wasn’t an uncommon sight for Katie Holt to be seen in the coffee shop attached to the library at Taylor-Keaton Institute of Technology, sipping on warm drink before hiding away upstairs in one of the study nooks, or off to help teach one of the courses in the Computer Sciences program.

People often didn’t even look twice at her smaller stature, or the fact she was only just considered an adult despite being in her second year of grad school.

But that cool, November morning was the furthest thing from normal for Katie, her cup of coffee all over the floor as she looked up at the television screen, her face pale as the news report repeated itself.

“The Galaxy Garrison mission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing, and all crew members are believed to be  _ dead _ . The Galaxy Garrison has said the crash was presumably caused by pilot error. It is, indeed, a  _ sad  _ day for  **all** humanity.”

Her mouth was dry as she tried to say something -- anything -- but nothing came out, nothing except a vague whimper as she quickly turned and ran, leaving the building to run for the sciences building, slowing down only slightly to pull the door open before continuing her headlong rush inside, her hair tangling in the breeze going past, scarf fluttering behind her.

Classes were meeting all along the hall, with some doors open and heads turning to see who dared to cause such a ruckus, but no one stood or moved to stop her as boots hit the tile, her rush only stopping abruptly as she turned to head into the TA lounge only to be stopped by a tall, but almost comfortingly squishy body, arms moving to catch her before she could try to leave.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” She could hear Ryou’s voice above her, and knew she should tell him, should say something, anything, but instead she wrapped her arms around his waist as best as she could, letting the tears fall at last, along with strangled sobs as she cried into his chest. Looking around, he carefully moved to the small couch that rested in the back corner of the lounge.

The room was mostly littered with desks, a few with little personalized details about the grad student that worked there, but most littered with papers or computer parts. There was a single coffee pot on a table beside the couch, and then the couch itself. All in all, not the most comfortable room in the building, but it was one of the places Katie was most familiar with.

And most importantly, it wasn’t quite so public as the library. She could let herself free there, even if she was essentially clinging to Ryou, who could only gently rub her back. “Katie, everything...well, it won’t be  _ okay _ , but things  **will** get better. I promise. It takes time, but...it will get better. I know, I’ve, I’ve  _ been  _ there.”

There was a loud sniff followed by a hiccup as Katie lifted her head, looking up at Ryou finally, eyes red and puffy and filled with confusion. “....you already knew, didn’t you?” Her voice wasn’t accusatory -- instead she sounded tired, tired and heartbroken. “You knew something happened with the Kerberos mission.”

There was a moment where neither spoke, the only sounds being a lone student walking past in the hallway and the two of them breathing, before Ryou let out a sigh. “Yeah. I knew. Hunk, the Engineer? His fiance and my brother are close friends, I guess you’d say, and...yeah. They told the families a couple weeks ago -- I thought you’d known and just, didn’t want to talk about it.”

“No, I didn’t know. Mom got really...quiet around Halloween? But that -- she told me not to worry about it. Keep working on things, keep doing classes, and just...not worry. I know I’ve got -- got things coming up but, why would she keep this from me?” The more Katie spoke, the quieter her voice became until she was barely above a whisper.

Hand stilling puon her back, Ryou paused a moment before giving a small shrug. “She might have meant well. I couldn’t really tell you, I don’t exactly  _ know  _ your mom or how she thinks. You’d need to ask her about that. Now, c’mon. Let’s get you home, you can give me directions on the way, okay?”

“I still have classes to lead and--”

“Mm, nope. I’ll make sure someone covers for you, but you need to take a day for yourself, okay?” Gently, Ryou’s hand moved from her back to her shoulder, helping her get up off the couch. “Go talk to your mom, do what you need to do to grieve, and I’ll see you when I see you, okay?”

Katie felt very small next to him as she reached out to grab her messenger bag from her desk as they passed, something that didn’t often get to her, but today...today was different. Her voice felt almost as small as she felt as she squeaked out her answer.

“...okay.”

* * *

The music playing in the room was likely supposed to be helping to set some sort of mood, but Katie wasn’t entirely sure it was working. Granted, she didn’t  _ know  _ much about how things worked in bars, but she knew she felt distinctly odd for all that she had chosen to come in there.

So many little things were strange, though. The music was older music than she typically listened to, she was showing a  **_lot_ ** more skin than usual in a short skirt and short-sleeved scoop neck shirt that hung off her shoulders. There was smoke hanging in the air, and most of those gathered in the area closest to the bar itself were likely a good ten years older than she was.

Part of Katie was afraid of what she was doing.

The rest of Katie? Wanted to  _ get fucked. _ Wanted to drink enough that she would gain the confidence she  _ never  _ had in herself, and find someone, and she would be able to let loose and forget everything that had gone wrong in her life.

So far, she was working on getting drunk -- the ID she had from earlier in the year still worked like a charm, but the drink she had chosen didn’t taste too great, so it was taking some effort. Granted, it didn’t take much to get her tipsy, and she could tell it was getting there, but...bad taste, slow drink.

Letting out a slow exhale, she looked down at her drink, as if daring it to taste so awful, before downing as much as she could, as  _ quickly  _ as she could, wanting to get rid of it and move on to something else. Before she could contemplate her life choices or her drink choices further, however, a warm, rough hand placed itself on her shoulder, drawing her attention as she looked up at the man attached to it.

The guy wasn’t honestly someone she would’ve picked out on her own ordinarily -- skinny, moderately pale and scruffy with light brown hair that glinted from the light hanging overhead occasionally, eyes squinting a bit as he looked at her, and he practically  _ smelled  _ like alcohol even with the little bit of distance between them -- but he was looking at her,  _ at her  _ like she was a person, causing her heart to leap in her chest.

Still, who knew what he wanted. So she cleared her throat and tried to bat her eyes at him. “Well, uh, hello there. Can I help you with something?” Internally, she was starting to panic, worrying that maybe, maybe this hadn’t been a good idea, that he was seeing through to see how old she was, or  _ worse  _ \-- how old people often acted like she was -- but instead, he chuckled at her, letting the smell of alcohol hit her nose even more strongly than before.

“Was just wondering what a pretty little thing like you was doing in here. This isn’t where the college kids go to play, you looking for someone a bit more... **_experienced_ ** ?” The way he leaned into the last word -- both physically and vocally -- told her all she needed to know.

She had a taker.

Why did that  _ both  _ thrill  **and** terrify her at the same time?

“Oh,  _ yes _ . Definitely. I’m so tired of playing games with little boys, you know?” Licking her lips now, she reached up to pull at a strand of hair hanging close to her face, twirling it around her finger absently as she looked up at the man. “They’re cute, but they don’t know how to treat a woman like a  _ woman _ .”

Chuckling, the man nodded, giving her shoulder a squeeze before letting his hand move to her other shoulder, effectively wrapping his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. “Well, I can assure you, I know what to do with a woman, better than those ninny boys who run home to their mothers.”

Taking another drink, she found that now what her drink tasted like wasn’t as bad after all. Just took a bit of getting used to. And she felt warm. So warm, leaning back against the man who’s name she still didn’t know. “I’d love to see that, then…?” She tried to be subtle about asking.

“You can call me Damon, doll.” He was obviously trying to be charming, and in a way he was succeeding because he wasn’t giving off a completely creepy vibe -- not like what she had been expecting, at least. “I’ve got a room next block over if you’d like to join me in learning…?”

It took her a moment before, “Amber. I’m Amber.” She did her best to smile prettily up at the guy, before making sure she’d paid for her (one) drink and sliding closer to Damon, slipping her slim arm around his waist, looking for all the world like she actually knew him rather than having just met him that night.

The two walked out into the cool autumn air, Katie feeling a rush of excitement as they made their way over to the motel, wondering just how anyone could not enjoy having the freedom to do what they wanted. Granted, she was lying about who she was, how old she was, but this was still the most liberating thing she could ever think of experiencing.

Especially as it let her think about something other than her Dad, and Matt, and the Kerberos mission, how her mom had known and hadn’t bothered to tell her, leaving her to learn from the news. How everything was spiralling.

She just wanted not to feel -- at least, not that. She wanted to feel anything but that, wanted to feel wanted, wanted to feel desired, desirable, wanted to be able to do all those things that her classmates had talked about while she was seemingly too young to understand.

Thankfully, Damon was quick to bring her out of her thoughts as they reached the door -- outside door -- that led to the room he had taken for the night, key going in the lock and opening it. Inside was a rather standard motel room, dark carpet and white walls, dark curtains and dark comforter and plenty of pillows on the bed, a little bathroom off to the side and a somewhat nice looking television.

Ushering her in, he pocketed the key before pulling her close, his hands resting on the small of her back and tucking just into the back of her miniskirt as his lips sought hers out sloppily. The taste of alcohol was strong in his mouth, but Katie didn’t really seem to mind that, lips parting to let him in as her arms reached up to drape loosely over his shoulders, around the back of his neck and pulling him down to her, pressing herself against him eagerly, earning herself a chuckle.

“Someone’s excited,” his voice rumbled against her lips, his voice lower than his appearance suggested possible. “We've got all night, doll. But if you want fast…”

“N-no, I mean, I want to enjoy this as much as possible.” Katie laughed, trying to hide her nervousness. “Fast is for college kids. I want -- I want  _ good _ .” Her hands moved away from the back of his neck, over his shoulders once more before moving over his chest, the material of his shirt feeling rough even as her fingers slowly began to unbutton it. “Short or long I want it to be  _ good _ .”

The man’s face moved to press against Katie’s neck, gently nipping along the skin there as his hands reached beneath her mini-skirt. “I’ll make it good, doll, don’t worry about that. You just worry about having some good old fashioned fun, okay?” Fingers ghosted over Katie’s thighs even as they moved until she was gently pushed down to sit on the bed, his hands still trailing up her thighs until they found something unexpected.

“...Damon?” There was a hint of fear in her voice as she realized exactly what he had found but before she could worry too much, lips were pressed against hers -- gentle, but firm at the same time, his hand wrapping around her cock gently and rubbing at it, not seeming bothered by the fact that it was only semi-hard at most.

Pulling her head back, she looked up at Damon with a mixture of fear and wonder. “You don’t...you’re not…?”

“Why would I be mad that a beautiful girl just happens to have a cute little dick beneath her skirt?” Lips went to nip at her jaw once more, his body pressing into hers gently, laying her back. “I still want to fuck you, it’ll just need to be a bit different, yeah?”

“Y-yeah. That’s -- yeah, oh God.” Katie took in a sharp breath as his other hand moved to gently press at her hole, not pressing inward, just applying enough pressure that she could feel it, and it felt  _ amazing _ . “Please...more?”

There was soft chuckling as Damon untangled himself from Katie, moving to the side table beside the bed and opening it to pull out two important items: lube and a condom. “Just a moment, sweet thing. We’ve gotta take our time with this, but you’ll feel really good. I promise.”

Despite having only just met him...she trusted Damon at his word.

And he  **did** make her feel really good.


	2. see where this thing goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days pass, and Katie isn't seen at home or at school.
> 
> This can't mean anything good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter especially, as well as the next chapter, can possibly be triggering for people, so please. If you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, feel free to stop reading.
> 
> I've done my best with regards to tagging for content that appears within this work, but I'm far from perfect, so if I've missed something, do feel free to let me know!

Over the course of the next eight days, Katie found herself really learning what it was like to go to the bar regularly. She started learning to recognize familiar faces, and they recognized her -- and she made friends. Or, she would call them friends if they did more than go into the bathroom or alley for quick fucks.

She learned she was talented with her mouth after one man got irritated with her and called her a trap. She didn’t like him very much, but hadn’t protested when he forced her onto her knees to blow him, or when one of his friends had grabbed her harshly.

In fact, she hadn’t protested much of anything. This was what she wanted, to be able to just exist and let others do things with her body so she could feel that and not the crushing weight in her chest that only faded when she was drunk and fucking the men that would have her.

In fact, she lost count of how many men she had had by the time Friday the seventeenth of November rolled around. There were a few individuals that were nice, like Damon had been, he’d been kind and sweet in his own way -- but others had wanted a plaything, and she’d been more than willing to be one.

Or so she’d thought.

There had been a careful divide between the men and women she’d seen in the bars and the people she really knew -- a divide she had been grateful for, even if she wasn’t sure why at the time. But  _ that  _ evening, she caught a glimpse of a familiar man, and without thinking about it, walked over to him in her heels, holding her drink and taking a drag off of a cigarette before leaning against the bar and looking up at him, careful to blow the smoke away from him.

“Hey there, stranger. Long time no see.” She was careful to smile, to look as comfortable as possible as tired grey eyes turned to look at her, recognition quickly flashing across his face followed by confusion.

“Katie…?” Turning in his stool, Ryou looked Katie over quickly, as if maybe expecting to see something and looking surprised when it  _ wasn’t  _ there. Granted, there were more than a few things different about her appearance tonight compared to the last time they’d seen one another, but all in all, aside from her age, Katie was blending in with her new surroundings rather well. “I -- you -- where…?” His voice trailed off into something akin to a whine, obviously confused and distressed.

“Me. Here. If I’d known I could fluster you like this, I would’ve tried  _ months  _ ago.” A tired humor tinged Katie’s words as she took another drag from her cigarette, ignoring the way it made her nose tickle and burn as she held it in for a long moment before blowing it out. “For some reason, I didn’t figure you as a guy coming out to drink by yourself. Get stood up by your date?”

Snorting, Ryou shook his head, turning his body back towards the counter and taking a sip of his drink -- soda -- before answering. “If by ‘date’ you mean ‘brother’, then yeah. Something came up. But forget about me, what are  _ you  _ doing here? I thought you were, I don’t know, spending time with your mother…?”

At the mention of her mother, of what had actually led her to where she was standing in that moment, Katie tensed, tapping the end of her cigarette against the tray to get the ash off of it before taking a sip of her drink. “I wouldn’t know, given she couldn’t take the time to tell me what was going on and left me to find out Dad and Matt are supposedly dead from the news? We haven’t talked. I don’t wanna talk about it. Or think about it. Isn’t that what people often go out drinking for? To drown their woes?”

The expression on Ryou’s face moved from confused and tired to worried, looking almost  _ through  _ Katie before he let out a breath. “That’s what some people do. Some do it to relax, or just to stop thinking, as I’m sure you’ve realized. But being out like this...out on your own like you are? It isn’t  **safe** , Katie.” Ryou leaned one arm against the countertop of the bar, half turning so he was facing her once more. “Your dad, Matt, they wouldn’t want you throwing yourself out here like this. They’d want better for you,  _ I _ want better for you than this.”

It took longer than she’d like to admit for Katie to process what Ryou had said -- and once she  _ did _ , she frowned, stepping closer until she was just shy of pressing herself against Ryou where he sat in the stool. “What  **they** want doesn’t matter, right now. What matters is what  **_I_ ** want, and I want to forget  _ everything  _ for a while. I want to enjoy being a  _ woman _ , enjoy not being considered a  _ child _ , unable to  **even know the fate of my family** until the entire  _ world  _ learns. Don’t you see? Here I don’t have to think about any of that, and people treat me like a grown-ass woman.”

“Here, people see a piece of ass,” Ryou’s expression had shifted once more, leaning back slightly to try and put a bit of space between the two of them. With her so close, he could smell the smoke that clung to her, the alcohol on her breath, and beneath it all a faint earthy scent that had always been associated with Katie in his mind without even thinking hard about it. Up close, even in the faint lighting of the bar, he could see the makeup that was almost caked on in places, covering more than he had initially thought -- more than he wanted to think about.

And in her eyes, he could see the conflicting mire of emotions that were swirling within.

“People don’t see you as a  _ person  _ here, Katie. You want them to see you as a woman, and they do, but that’s  **all** they see. They see a woman that they might never see again, but there’s so much more to you than that. Please, don’t just throw yourself around like you are.” Reaching up, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, giving her a small, soft smile. “I’m on my way out, once I finish my Coke, and I’d...I’d really like it if you came with me? Just so I know you’re alright, so I know you’re safe.”

Katie looked as if she was intent on leaning in closer for a long moment, but instead she chose to look away, taking a slow, long drag off her cigarette. “You don’t see me as an adult, do you? I’m a big girl, I can handle myself. Unless that invite includes letting me into your bed tonight, I’d rather stay out.”

Turning, Ryou grabbed his glass, taking a sip as he shrugged. “Don’t know if my bed has all  _ that  _ much room. That aside, I will  _ not  _ take advantage of you like this, no matter how much you say you want it right now. You are  _ drunk _ , and  _ grieving _ , and  **vulnerable** in ways you  _ shouldn’t  _ be when making decisions like this, and I -- I’m not that kind of guy. So, no, I won’t have sex with you, not tonight, not while you’re drunk.” There’s a pause as he drinks more of his soda before setting the almost empty glass down. “...but if you come with me, I’ve got some  _ really  _ good sake back home. My mom’s family makes it, and it really is better with good company.”

Blowing out the last bit of smoke she would get from her cigarette, she turned to put it out in the ashtray on the countertop, making sure it was well and truly out before sipping at her own drink, trying to keep from sounding bitter when she did speak. “No matter what you tell yourself, if I didn't want this, I wouldn’t  _ be  _ here. I wouldn’t be  _ talking  _ to you if I didn’t want to be, and you’d be  _ so much better _ than the other guys. All of them -- all of them! -- had at least a moment of confusion because oh hey, that’s a  **dick** attached to her crotch, what the hell?”

...she  _ really  _ wasn’t good at hiding how bitter she was, though being wrapped in her thoughts as she was, she missed the reaction from Ryou at that piece of information. (Though, really, it was less a reaction and more of a... _ not _ reaction? There was a raised eyebrow before the thought was dismissed and Katie kept talking, determined.)

“And that’s the  _ kinder  _ side of things, I won’t even go into some of the other reactions, which, I full well brought on myself despite knowing you know, hey, even in this enlightened age we live in, there’s still asshats who don’t understand things and don’t want to understand things. But you…” She swallowed before finally looking over at Ryou, their eyes meeting. “I  _ trust  _ you. We’re not like, best friends or anything but...you wouldn’t do anything to me I don’t want, even with me being...indisposed? Like I am right now?”

Awkwardly, she cleared her throat, looking away once more, her body leaning into the bar a bit more heavily. “Anyway -- sake? It’s -- I’ve never had sake. What’s it like?” Her voice sounded younger, softer -- much more like the Katie Holt that Ryou had known for the past few years, her posture looking more like someone trying to play a role they weren’t meant to play.

Taking all of that in, taking in what he knew about Katie and what he saw before him, he had to think quickly, before Katie made a decision to move elsewhere, to try and find thrills her own way. “Look, if you still want me when you’re  _ sober _ , after you’ve had a chance to sleep this off? We’ll talk about it then. But I made a promise that I wouldn’t treat drunken sex as flippantly as my brother does, and I fully intend to  _ honor  _ that promise.” His attention moved back to his glass, which by now was mostly ice with slightly watered down soda in the bottom, expression furrowing. “As for sake? Well. It’s interesting, and it really depends. Sometimes it’s really sweet, sometimes it’s dry. It’s always kind of savory, but the exact taste depends on what it picks up while fermenting. I have a few different kinds at home, if you’d like to see yourself?”

“I -- I think I’d like that,” Katie caught herself off guard as she was agreeing, finding herself too curious about something new, something unknown. She was quick to return to her previous point, however, looking determined. “And you promise, if I still want -- want you when I’m sober, that we’ll talk about it? That you won’t brush me off, dismiss it out of hand because I’m a child?”

Raising his glass to his lips, Ryou finished off his soda before nodding, carefully stepping off of his stool, making sure he wouldn’t accidentally step on her. “I promise. You’re not a child, and anyone who would think that you are just because of your size is a fool. Intellectually you’ve been keeping up with others years older than you since before I ever met you. It’s only right that now you’re  _ treated  _ as an adult.” There was a moment of hesitation before he reached out to rest his hand on the inside of her arm.

Her eyes moved to look at his hand, her face flushing beneath the layers of makeup she wore before looking up at his face. A few moments passed before she gave a small nod, leaving her drink on the bar and turning herself towards the exit “....yeah. I’ve been thinking that for a while now, but no one  _ else  _ seems to.” She went to take a step towards the exit, resting one of her hands on top of Ryou’s as if using it to steady herself, but she hadn’t anticipated the effects of alcohol combined with being flustered as can be, so when she went to step, she over compensated and instead half walked, half fell onto Ryou.

“Come on,” Ryou’s voice held a faint chuckle as he gently pulled Katie off of him, steering her in the right direction and leading her out of the bar. “Let’s get out of here before you  _ actually  _ hurt yourself. I know  _ I _ , at least, would like to avoid going to the hospital tonight.”

“You’d like to avoid the hospital? I’d like to avoid it.” Katie’s grasp on Ryou’s hand tightened a bit as she leaned into him, sounding...well, mostly serious. “I prefer not being hurt if it’s all the same to you.”

“I like it when you’re not hurting, too.”


	3. got nothing but time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katie wakes somewhere unexpected, wearing someone else's clothing, and has to take time to process that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So intially, this was going to be the last chapter of this story.
> 
> Katie had other plans. She wanted to expand on things I'd been content to gloss over in a couple of paragraphs, and I'm anticipating the next chapter will be more of the same, so there ought to be two more chapters after this.

The morning brought with it warmth and comfort as Katie took her time waking up, refusing to open her eyes initially, not wanting to see where she had ended up. The past few days had been good in that she was able to lose herself in alcohol and sex, but each morning brought with it shame and disgust and pain.

_ Especially  _ the first morning, but the ones that had come since hadn't been any better… until this morning. 

The bed felt comfortable, and the smell was vaguely familiar. She could feel a warm spot beside her from where, presumably the partner she'd gone home with had been laying. 

The fact that the spot was warm, but empty, was what finally got her to open her eyes and look around. The bed was certainly large enough to be comfortable in even for two or maybe even three people, and there was a distinctly masculine feel to the room overall.

The door to the bedroom opened to a hallway, from what she could see. She could hear sounds of cooking, of something being fried? Her head wasn't exactly certain what she was hearing, but after laying there for a few moments in silence, her curiosity got the better of her. Throwing the blankets back, she found herself dressed in a very large faded grey T-shirt, the material falling almost to her knees, with print along the front that said  _ “I AM the Computer Whisperer. I rehabilitate computers. I train people.” _ She could see her own clothing (or most of it) piled beside the bed, along with her heels and purse, and she was still wearing her mint green lacy thong beneath it.

(She wasn’t sure what it was about the thong that made her feel so powerful, so beautiful despite the fact it was rarely seen, but she enjoyed it all the same.)

She took a few moments to gather herself, trying to ignore the headache that was getting worse as she stood and moved towards the light coming from the hallway, pausing in the doorway before thinking any further.

The more she went to the bars, the more she would let herself drink, the further down she let herself sink into the blankness that alcohol seemed to give to her, but she couldn’t remember most of the previous night.

She couldn’t remember who it was she had gone with, or where she was, though it certainly  _ seemed  _ nice enough. Normally, she’d remember something about her exploits the night before but right then?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

She felt more rested than she had in over a week, though, and while she was certainly sore, it was less than it had been. Maybe...she hadn’t done anything the night before?

If that was the case, though,  _ where was she _ ?

Finally deciding that standing in t-shirt and panties wouldn’t do anything, she adjusted her attire to ensure she was as comfortable as she could be before walking towards the sounds and smells of breakfast being made. The chances she would recognize whoever it was were slim, after all, but she should still at least go and talk with whoever it was (probably a guy) and see what she could maybe jar her mind into remembering about the previous night.

The kitchen was brighter than she anticipated, though any light was too bright almost so her perception might be more than a bit skewed, revealing a fully functional kitchen with a figure standing at the oven. As details filtered into her mind, her eyes widened. Dark sleep tousled hair topped a large figure she’d seen almost daily through the past few school years, glasses perched on his nose and sliding down slightly as he carefully scooped bacon out of the skillet and onto a plate with paper towels.

_ ‘I am standing in Ryou’s home, in a t-shirt and underwear, and he’s cooking breakfast. Am -- am I  _ **_sure_ ** _ I’m not dreaming?’ _ Katie couldn’t help but watch Ryou as he moved, cracking open a couple of eggs into the skillet that had just had bacon in it, scrambling them up. Biting down on her lower lip, however, informed her that no, she was not asleep -- she was very much awake and in a somewhat awkward position, one she’d never thought would be awkward but...it was.

Clearing her throat, she put a smile on her face and carefully moved from the carpeted floor of the hall to the smoother surface of the kitchen floor, standing up on the balls of her feet instinctively as she hovered awkwardly between where Ryou stood at the oven and the table. “I -- good morning?”

“Afternoon,” Ryou responded absently, pushing his glasses up as he scrambled the eggs further. “We slept the morning away, which after last night…” He trailed off, glancing back at Katie before looking back to the skillet, his face flushing slightly. “There’s medicine and some water out on the table if you need it, I bet you’ve got one hell of a headache right now.”

“You’re definitely right about that,” Katie muttered, crossing to the table to see that medicine and water were indeed sitting there, along with what looked to be a couple of interesting books. Interesting if her head weren’t hurting, at least. Opening the bottle, she shook out two pills before popping them in her mouth and chasing it down with the water. “Easily worst non-migraine I’ve had in my life. Worst of the past week and a half, too.” Letting out a sigh, she pulled the chair out and sat down, leaning on the table and watching as Ryou continued making breakfast.

Scraping eggs out of the skillet, he piled them on another plate before cracking open a couple more, mixing them up in the pan itself rather than beforehand. “Given you almost fell multiple times before leaving the bar, and then came with me to have more alcohol here and deciding I was going to cuddle with you no matter what I said in the matter?” His tone was rather matter of fact, tinged with humor towards the end while still coming off as truthful. “I’m not surprised in the  _ slightest _ . I was about to come get you if you didn’t get up by the time I finished cooking.”

Humming softly to herself, Katie watched Ryou for a moment longer before closing her eyes, letting out a yawn. “Mm. Well, I could smell food, so it seemed like a good idea to get up. So we just...came here and had more to drink?”

“Yep. Though it wasn’t quite so wild as you’re likely imagining. We sat and talked some, drank sake and plenty of water, but clearly not enough to prevent your headache.” More scraping and more eggs were piled onto the plate. “Do you feel like you can eat yet, or is your stomach twisting, too?”

Shaking her head, Katie pushed herself up, standing and moving over towards Ryou. “My stomach’s fine, just my head that hurts. It’ll go away pretty quick, though.” She cast a quick glance his way before taking the empty plate offered and scooping herself eggs and bacon onto it, trying to ignore how her face burned, how exposed she was feeling now that she was really waking up and aware of how much (how little) she was wearing, quickly padding back to where she’d sat before.

Ryou waited a moment before scooping what remained onto the egg plate, setting the bacon plate aside to be washed later and sitting down beside Katie, pushing things aside before taking the first bite. “Well, I’m not Kashi, but food can definitely help after all that. Figure you’ll want to get clean after eating, and probably wash your clothes. Not that I mind you borrowing my shirt, but I don’t know if you’d want to be out and about in that.” He raised an eyebrow, looking over at Katie before focusing on his food once more. “And after you’ve gotten clean, more comfortable, I figure we could just, have a bit of a relaxing day.”

Katie felt a lump in her throat. “You mean have a talk, right?” What appetite she had was gone after that, though she kept poking at the eggs, trying to look as if she was doing something. “Because what I did was stupid and childish and obviously I need someone to look after me if I’m going to be out and about.”

“Did I say that?” Ryou let out a long sigh before setting his fork down, giving Katie a  **look** . “If you  _ want  _ to talk, then yeah, we’ll talk. But otherwise I was just thinking maybe watching a movie or something. Even with how technology has advanced, the best way of cleaning clothing still takes time. And you’ve said it yourself -- you’re  _ not a child _ . So I’m not going to treat you like one.”

...she didn’t really know what to think about  _ that _ , so Katie fell silent for a long moment before grabbing her glass and taking a drink, trying to force the lump away even as she felt a bit of hope sparking in her chest. “O-oh. Right.” She took a breath before digging into her food once more, gaze moving from worried to thoughtful. “So. I -- did, did we  **_do_ ** anything last night?”

“Aside from drinking sake and a lot of cuddling, no. If we had, I would have told you when you asked just a couple moments ago.” Picking his fork up again, he stabbed eggs onto it and continued eating. “You were too intoxicated to consent to anything, Katie. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Listening, Katie got the impression that the words had been repeated several times -- not just that afternoon, but the night before.

The night which was growing less foggy the longer she was awake, though it wasn’t crystal clear...and likely wouldn’t be crystal clear, not entirely.

“Oh, right, I -- I forgot, sorry.” She cleared her throat, using her fingers to grab one of the pieces of bacon on her plate and using her teeth to tear it in half, chewing before speaking again. “But if I wanted to  _ now… _ ?”

“Has anyone told you just how  _ persistent  _ and  _ determined  _ you are?” There was a hint of exasperated laughter in his voice even as the corner of his mouth turned upward. “Finish your brunch and get a shower. Then, if you  _ really  _ still want to, we’ll talk.”

She gave a quick, brief nod before tucking into the rest of her food, not rushing, but certainly focusing on it rather than trying to split her attention between that, thinking, and talking. Once she was done, she bit down on her lip momentarily before standing, taking the dishes to gently set them in the sink.

“Alright, which way is the bathroom…?” Her gaze moved from Ryou to the hallway she had come from, then back to him, trying not to act like she was in too much of a hurry.

“Back towards my room, the first door past it actually, should be immediately next to it. I’ll duck in once I’m sure you’re in the shower and leave you something to wear while your things are getting clean, alright? There should be a towel in there already, too. And feel free to take as long as you need.” Looking up, Ryou gave her a small, soft smile. “There’s absolutely no rush on anything today, it’s Saturday for a reason.”

Snorting, Katie gave a nod. “Right, Saturday, the day of partying and relaxation for college students universally. But thank you, I’ll try not to take too long.” She stood there an awkward moment before moving to head back down towards the room she had woken up in, looking in to make sure it was the one she had been in before going to the next door, opening it and seeing a rather typical, if somewhat masculine bathroom.

Taking care of other necessary business first, it was a few minutes before the shower was turned on, almost immediately leaving her to shuck off the t-shirt and her panties that she’d been wearing to step in, closing the curtain around her, noting that it would actually make it impossible to see her figure from the outside. (Not that she really was too worried about that, but it was nice to notice. Even if she decided against trying to talk Ryou around to her desires for the day, he wouldn’t see anything of her that he hadn’t seen before.)

Once she was under the spray of hot water, however, she realized just how filthy she actually felt. It had nothing to do with the activities she had done, much as she might have thought, but more the fact that the makeup on her face was caked on still and her eyes itching, and just literal dirt on her hands and feet and she was quick to take some body wash and scrub herself clean, frowning as she noticed the bruises along her torso that had been hidden by her clothing. Bruises along her thighs, and even some along her arms.

She couldn’t see her neck or face in that moment, but she knew without looking that there was some display of it along there as well, which was only verified by fingers reaching up to scrub along her neck, feeling the soreness there that typically accompanied said bruises. Honestly, it was probably just sheer luck, or Ryou not looking too closely, that had let her appear to be completely injury free this long. It wasn’t a reassuring thought at all, but she couldn’t really control it. Not now.

Cupping her hands together beneath the spray of water, she let it gather until she had enough water to just, dunk her face in it, quickly scrubbing her face and forcing air out of her nose as she did so, not wanting water to go up her nose. She kept repeating the action, not really paying too much attention, so when the door opened, she couldn’t hear it.

“Hey, don’t drown yourself in there,” Ryou’s voice startled her, causing her to let out a squeak and move to lean against the wall without even thinking about it, a hand pressed against her chest. “I’m just leaving something for you to wear and an extra towel, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Letting out a long breath, Katie shook her head -- not remembering that Ryou couldn’t in fact see it. “I’m not drowning, you just -- yeah. I’ll uh, be out in a little bit, just need to wash my hair.” She was glad that the curtain obstructed view for both of them -- she couldn’t see Ryou, but he couldn’t see her, flustered and fumbling around for shampoo.

Nothing was obstructing her ability to hear, though, as she ducked back under the spray of water, hearing Ryou chuckling softly. “Take your time, we’re not in any hurry today, remember? I’m just going to put a movie on and work on some things, you just come out when you’re ready, alright?”

“Okay, yeah, cool.” She waited until she could hear the click of the door shutting before sighing once more, ducking her head beneath the spray to make sure all of her hair was wet before taking one of the shampoos that was in reach and squirting it out. 

Lathering it up, she stepped away from the water, letting it fall on her waist instead of her head as she scrubbed at her scalp, rubbing the soap in and taking in the smell. It wasn’t her usual scent of coconut that she liked to use, but it smelled fresh, nice.

Not what she would expect a guy to use.

...or what she thought Ryou would use.

It wasn’t exactly overly  _ feminine _ , either, or floral. Cucumber melon. Nice and soft and gentle. Closing her eyes, she stepped under the spray once more, letting the water rinse her hair out, and if a couple of stray, warm droplets fell from her eyes along with the shower water and bubbles from the shampoo, who could tell?

Her mind couldn’t stop thinking, connecting the dots of events over the past few days, especially the past day, and how kind Ryou had been, in almost complete contrast to most of the men she had been with, the ones who had seen her for something more than genius child…

...but maybe, maybe that more wasn’t something that was good. That realization hit like a blow to the stomach as she stayed under the spray a few minutes longer before turning the water off and stepping out, grabbing the somewhat fluffy towel that had been left in the room and toweling herself dry.

The more she looked at herself, both in the mirror and looking down as she dried, the less she liked what she saw. She wasn’t sure that Ryou would appreciate that, either, but...she couldn’t  hide it. Not without makeup that she didn’t have on hand.

“...surely this won’t be too bad,” she muttered to herself, fingers gently probing at the puffiness around her left eye, puffiness and darkness, revealing a bruise from a poorly executed maneuver that had ended with an elbow to her eye socket. There were still other bruises along her body, some suspiciously finger shaped around the top of her arms, on her hips, on her thighs, but those had been intentionally given.

That one was the one accident, and it looked the worst as far as she could tell.

Letting out a long sigh, she slipped the large t-shirt over her head, again the shirt being long enough to effectively be a dress on it’s own for her, fingers running over the material of the pajama pants that were also there, hesitating only momentarily before pulling them on as well and pulling the drawstrings on the waist tight so that they wouldn’t fall off of her.

She ran her fingers through her hair, using them as a makeshift comb -- because people don’t share brushes, or she didn’t at least, and besides her hair wasn’t too bad right then. That done, she was ready to face...well, not the world, not her mom…

But she  _ was  _ ready to face Ryou. Opening the door, she could hear somewhat familiar music playing to sounds of fighting of some sort. Steadying herself, she let her feet take her towards the source of the sound.


End file.
